What I am paying several thousand dollars to learn

You know how your parents used to ask you "so, what did you learn in school today" and you would reply "nothing"?  Well in college this reply is eerily accurate.  Let me make something very clear; college is an inevitable scam.  I have learned far more from Google, that I ever have and ever will in any classroom (unless of course, I am Google-ing while in class).  Although this is true, college has become the Emperor's clothing of the business world.  Three years of French under my belt, and all I can communicate is "Where is the cheese?"  And "I don't know"... oh, and of course "Cheese Omelette" (but that one's from Dexter's Lab) But one week of taking the subway in downtown Queens, and I can give you directions anywhere in NYC in Spanish.  No matter how useless the actual classes in college may be (I'm looking at you "Amish and Other PA Dutch Cultures 101") the University experience has taught me a lot.  I have compiled the top things I have learned in college thus far (with a little advice mixed in)

1. RateMyProf.com will safe your life and your GPA
2. The fastest and easiest way to end a friendship, is to move in together
3. Your friends CANNOT cut hair, so do not trust them when they say "I can totally cut your hair"
4. People are disgusting (specifically people who you will share a bathroom with)
5.The freshman 15 is a very real thing
6. Do not buy your books, and if you REALLY need to, never buy them from the bookstore, unless you have an arm and a leg you are trying to get rid of
7. Group projects are really just a contest to see who can do the least amount of work, you will lose
8. You mothers cooking is wonderful, no matter what you previously thought
9. Car = friends
10. Ramen is a food group
11. Sororities seem really fun... SEEM
12. You are not responsible enough for a dog
13. Remember when you ate breakfast?  Yeah, me neither
14. Sheetz vs Wawa, you will pick a side, and you will defend it
15. "Real Food" is considered anything that takes more than 3 minutes and 30 seconds to prepare
16. Sleep, a social life, and a good GPA; you may pick two, and only two
17. Sitting next to the smart kid is almost as good as being the smart kid
18. You will not go to the gym, at one point you will vow to go to the gym, but this will fail within 3 weeks
19. Bobby pins do not really open locks, neither does calling your roommate, if it it past 1AM
20. "Wikipedia is not a source" is the worst and most justified phrase your professors will utter
21. Forget MLA, it's all about APA now
22. High school did not prepare you for college in the least
23. Everyone around you will reproduce, try to avoid this as long as possible
24. Life is freaking expensive
25. "This won't be on the exam" is code for "go ahead and check your phone now"

I hope these life lessons will help you, because these useful little nuggets are costing me upwards of 25K... totally worth it