What I am paying several thousand dollars to learn

You know how your parents used to ask you "so, what did you learn in school today" and you would reply "nothing"?  Well in college this reply is eerily accurate.  Let me make something very clear; college is an inevitable scam.  I have learned far more from Google, that I ever have and ever will in any classroom (unless of course, I am Google-ing while in class).  Although this is true, college has become the Emperor's clothing of the business world.  Three years of French under my belt, and all I can communicate is "Where is the cheese?"  And "I don't know"... oh, and of course "Cheese Omelette" (but that one's from Dexter's Lab) But one week of taking the subway in downtown Queens, and I can give you directions anywhere in NYC in Spanish.  No matter how useless the actual classes in college may be (I'm looking at you "Amish and Other PA Dutch Cultures 101") the University experience has taught me a lot.  I have compiled the top things I have learned in college thus far (with a little advice mixed in)

1. RateMyProf.com will safe your life and your GPA
2. The fastest and easiest way to end a friendship, is to move in together
3. Your friends CANNOT cut hair, so do not trust them when they say "I can totally cut your hair"
4. People are disgusting (specifically people who you will share a bathroom with)
5.The freshman 15 is a very real thing
6. Do not buy your books, and if you REALLY need to, never buy them from the bookstore, unless you have an arm and a leg you are trying to get rid of
7. Group projects are really just a contest to see who can do the least amount of work, you will lose
8. You mothers cooking is wonderful, no matter what you previously thought
9. Car = friends
10. Ramen is a food group
11. Sororities seem really fun... SEEM
12. You are not responsible enough for a dog
13. Remember when you ate breakfast?  Yeah, me neither
14. Sheetz vs Wawa, you will pick a side, and you will defend it
15. "Real Food" is considered anything that takes more than 3 minutes and 30 seconds to prepare
16. Sleep, a social life, and a good GPA; you may pick two, and only two
17. Sitting next to the smart kid is almost as good as being the smart kid
18. You will not go to the gym, at one point you will vow to go to the gym, but this will fail within 3 weeks
19. Bobby pins do not really open locks, neither does calling your roommate, if it it past 1AM
20. "Wikipedia is not a source" is the worst and most justified phrase your professors will utter
21. Forget MLA, it's all about APA now
22. High school did not prepare you for college in the least
23. Everyone around you will reproduce, try to avoid this as long as possible
24. Life is freaking expensive
25. "This won't be on the exam" is code for "go ahead and check your phone now"

I hope these life lessons will help you, because these useful little nuggets are costing me upwards of 25K... totally worth it

Shel Silverstein will always have my heart

No matter how many times you tell people that majoring in Communication is not majoring in English, people will insist that your major, is in fact, english.  I have a hard time arguing this because I'm not entirely sure what I do specifically study, so sometimes it's easier to say "yeah, it's just like english."  But thank God it is not, because as I'm sure you've noticed, I am utterly awful with grammar.  I'm rather hopeless in all categories really.  But in asking you about you're apparent love of English, they will ask "what is your favourite book?" or "what author inspires you most?"  ((disclaimer: at some point in college someone will pretentiously ask you what your favourite book is, this doesn't just go for Comm/ English majors))  At this point in time you will have to make a decision, either tell them the truth, or lie your ass off in an attempt to look like your degree is doing its job.  I usually go with the later, I'll say something about how "The Kite Runner" was filled with passion and redemption, and don't get me wrong, I loved that book.  But if I'm totally honest with myself, no book will ever beat "The Giving Tree".  Yes, I know that this is a book aimed at children, but it is, and forever will be, my favourite book.  I guess this is indicative of my major.  Short, sweet, and very repetitive.
 
And the Communication Major was happy. 

Being a Communication Major

When you are in your late teens, people begin to bombard you with questions about your future. "Where are you going to college?" "What do you want to do with your life?" "What are you going to study?"  I've always just wanted to whip out a magic 8 ball, throw it at their face and say, "odds are, I'm just going with that thing."  But now in my junior year, in my early twenties I've realized that I have the perfect cloak to these questions "I am a Communication major".  This way, I have something to say, but in all honesty have no idea what I'm doing with my life.  One of my best friends from high school put it the best way I have ever heard.  "I know nothing, but I am really good at telling you that I know nothing." But then comes the inevitable question that is apparently coupled with your 20th birthday.  "What are you going to do with your degree?  What do you want to do with the rest of your life?"  And before I reach for the magic 8 ball I just think Ha!  Joke's on you!  Who knows if I'm ever actually getting a degree?  I'm probably just going to be stuck in college purgatory for the rest of my life.  and Secondly I think; well, I want to just lay around in a mansion eating cookie dough for the rest of my life, but I do have other options like "trophy wife" and "professional s'mores taster".  But we all know what they want to hear, a professional answer that does not allow be to be in a snuggie 80% of the time.  I usually mumble something about working in PR (public relations) or an administrative assistant in a non-profit organization.  But in all honestly, I have no idea what either of those things entail, and I am somewhere between 85-97% sure I want nothing to do with either of them.   My major lies somewhere between "undeclared" and "oh crap, I need a major".  And the best part is I am a Communication Studies major.  My concentration is almost literally in apathy.  And my minor... anthropology, what's that? you may ask... hell if I know.  But I do know that I am half way done with both, and I'm just about as confused as I started.  Here are my confessions of a Communication Major.